Reclaiming a Purpose-Driven Life with Bethany Hawkins

[00:00:00] Jessica: We're going to be having a lot of delicious conversations this season, some with guest speakers, but many with just you and I. I feel like most conversations have so many layers that we never get the time to really get into. So if you'd like to dive deeper into the conversations that we're having here on Reclaiming Our Spirit, I'd love for you to join the podcast Patreon.

[00:00:24] Jessica: Depending on your tier, you'll get a shout out, be able to watch the episodes on video, and even have the opportunity to tune in for weekly pick a card readings. And two additional spiritual musings or stories. This is your official invite. If you've enjoyed what you're listening to, and you want to support the podcast, hop on over to Reclaiming Our Spirit Patreon and pick the tier that works for you.

[00:00:43] Jessica: Just check the show notes for more details or head over to www. jessicapaschke. com.

[00:00:48] Bethany: Speaking of having a purpose driven life, being in those areas that allow you to be your full self is so important to not only finding your joy. But being in connection with who you are and your spirit. Because if you're stifling yourself in any way, you can't be in connection with yourself.

[00:01:15] Jessica: Your journey to the divine is an intimate exploration of self, where you are both the seeker and the source of enlightenment. I, Jessica Paschke, invite you to break free from the ordinary, to reforge your spiritual path with courage, curiosity, and audacity. Unleash the power of your spiritual connection, stepping into a purpose driven life free of have tos and shoulds.

[00:01:39] Jessica: Join me on this profound exploration of rediscovery, where you'll not only redefine your own spiritual practice, but also inspire a collective awakening. Welcome to Reclaiming Our Spirit.

[00:01:55] Jessica: Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome to the next episode of reclaiming our spirit. And I'm so excited because we have one of my favorite humans on the planet here chatting with us today, Bethany Hawkins from crackers and soup. She also happens to be my podcast producer. So she. She helps me express my purpose through the podcast.

[00:02:17] Jessica: I love it. Bethany, thank you so much for being here.

[00:02:20] Bethany: Thank you for having me. And whether you love the podcast or if you're like, that podcast is a hot mess, it's my fault. So if you love it, it's my fault. If it's a hot mess, it's my fault. So I'm taking all the ownership, none of it's on Jessica. She does amazing things and she just shares her genius.

[00:02:37] Bethany: I'm the one who manipulates it the way that it is.

[00:02:40] Jessica: You manipulated it. It sounds like magic. I'm like, oh my gosh. Wow. So every episode we do a little spark of joy. Bethany, what was like a little spark of joy, maybe this week or last week?

[00:02:52] Bethany: Oh, such a good question. So I, as you know, have been going through a lot of personal things and I have just been tied to the red, like exhausted.

[00:03:05] Bethany: And yesterday, I had to do some work. However, I had to go out and do something on behalf of my family. And I came home and I was like, I'm just going to lay down. And it was like at 8 30 AM. I was like, I'm just going to lay down. I just got home. I was going to lay down for like a half an hour. Ma'am, I woke up at 11 AM and I was like, Oh my God, what happened?

[00:03:27] Bethany: My mouth tasted like crap because I had my mouth open. I was drooling. I was like coma deep sleep. I had a dream about Robert Downey Jr. and he wanted me to make him like a meatloaf sandwich. It was just a wild

[00:03:42] Jessica: It was like you woke up for a hot second, but you actually went back to bed.

[00:03:45] Bethany: Yes! Yes! I was like, is it a new day? What is happening? But that That time period in which I actually had a restful sleep, not only brought me joy, but it gave me the ability to do the things that I needed to do yesterday. It gave me the energy to do the things that I need to do.

[00:04:06] Bethany: I recommend at all times to take a good nap and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I'm a

[00:04:14] Jessica: huge supporter of naps. Even if you could just sneak it right in there in between things, because otherwise it's a waste of time. Thanks. Thanks. It just helps you do things in a better frame of mind. I think. Yes.

[00:04:24] Jessica: Yes. 100%. I love that. Natural. What's your joy? My spark of joy. My joy this week. Well, I talked about this on another episode. The little morning love notes continue. I love love notes. And so I had, I had little love notes tucked into the teapot this morning and around the cup. So that always makes me smile.

[00:04:44] Jessica: Very first thing in the morning, when, when my, my person leaves me a little love notes. She's such a sweetie.

[00:04:51] Bethany: She's so cute. Do you mind sharing what your love note said today in your cup? Do you remember? The one,

[00:04:59] Jessica: she's got a weakened sense of humor too. Um, the one on the teapot said, I love you so very much with hearts.

[00:05:05] Jessica: And then the one wrapped around the cup was, look, it's me in cup form. And it was the message on the cup. The basic message on the cup is, was like, don't mess around with me. Like,

[00:05:16] Bethany: she is so incredible,

[00:05:20] Jessica: fiery little thing. She's great.

[00:05:22] Bethany: And can we just take a moment to honor her because as someone who has an almost 13 year old, for her to have the wherefore all to do these little acts of love.

[00:05:32] Bethany: And then probably ignore you for the rest of the day. I get my 30 seconds. You get your 30 seconds of love, but just the fact that she is taking into account, sharing with you how much she loves you, that is just a testimony to you and your husband of how well, and how loved she is in you guys and raising her.

[00:05:54] Jessica: Oh, thanks lady. Yeah. She's just, she's just a wonder. Like, don't you just look at your, You're a kid, I would just think, wow, look at you,

[00:06:04] Bethany: look at you go, you know, my favorite thing is to, she doesn't even realize I'm doing it, but if I'm in the kitchen and she's just singing her little heart out in her room, hearing a child sing is truly the most beautiful because there was actually a study that says singing represents happiness.

[00:06:22] Jessica: Yes.

[00:06:24] Bethany: I

[00:06:24] Jessica: love that. Yes. It's true though.

[00:06:27] Bethany: Yeah. And just hit like in her own world, like, and she's not even singing with a radio. She's just like either making up songs or she's just singing some song that she heard and it just warms my heart literally every single time. Cause I'm like, I have a happy child, which is truly all I want her to be.

[00:06:44] Bethany: Right.

[00:06:45] Jessica: That's it. That's all that they can just. That they know how to access that. Yes. Yes. On their own. On their own. On their own. Without. Yep. I love that. And somewhere along the way, I think we can forget or lose sight of that, of, of how we can access that, right? Or how we can access the joy or just find meaning in the little things, those moments that sneak in.

[00:07:10] Jessica: We get overwhelmed with. All the adulting, I guess,

[00:07:13] Bethany: and I feel that not only do we get overwhelmed with the adulting, but we're also told you're being too loud. You're giggling too much. You are so the things that you show to exude joy just innately it shut down because you have to have an air of propriety when you're in certain situations, quote, unquote, air propriety.

[00:07:35] Bethany: Giggling isn't proper in an office. Speaking of having a purpose driven life, being in those areas that allow you to be your full self is so important to not only finding your joy, But being in connection with who you are and your spirit, because if you're stifling yourself in any way, you can be in connection with yourself.

[00:08:01] Bethany: I know.

[00:08:02] Jessica: It's so true. And if you don't know what, I don't want to say don't know what brings you joy, because sometimes it is really hard. Joys can be really awesome and it can be really hard. But if you don't know how to kind of at least open up the space for the possibility of that. It can be really challenging as well.

[00:08:18] Jessica: I mean, I would never make it in an office that didn't allow us to laugh. Yeah. I get fired in the first like 12 hours.

[00:08:25] Bethany: Yeah, when I was at the district attorney's office, I had a revolving door of people constantly in my cubicle, constantly, constantly, to the point where the DA was like, you need to leave Bethany alone, like she needs to do payroll.

[00:08:37] Bethany: It's an energy thing. And at the district attorney's office, it's a very taxing environment. We're literally dealing with people on the worst days of their lives. They're all felonious level offenses. We saw everything from motor vehicle floating defenses all the way to attempted murder. So it was just an overwhelming place to be.

[00:08:58] Bethany: So if they could find somebody that sparked joy in them, they were like, yes, they were like drawn to it like a moth to a flame. But even though we had opportunities to have good times. Because I made sure that we celebrated everything and anything that we could, because it was such a heavy environment.

[00:09:18] Bethany: The emotional tax still takes a hold of you, so you have to know how to navigate that. And that's why I ended up leaving, because not only was there like, a bunch of weird microaggression things that were happening, But it was so emotionally exhausting for me. I couldn't let it go anymore. I couldn't put it down.

[00:09:37] Bethany: So it was affecting my home life. It was affecting my work life. It was affecting my physical being. It was affecting my mental health, all of it.

[00:09:46] Jessica: Well, and this is such a great point. One person cannot do it. You cannot have one person Who is purpose driven and tapped into joy and have everybody else in the space rely on that one person.

[00:09:59] Jessica: Each and every single one of us has to know how to do that for ourselves. Because you're just gonna, that is burnout. That, that is not sustainable. Jessica, it's

[00:10:09] Bethany: so true, because I've been gone for there almost five years. I had attorneys say to me, all the joy left in the office when you left. We didn't have parties anymore.

[00:10:17] Bethany: You know, you can plan a party. Like, it's literally an email and asking people to bring in some potluck food. Like, I wasn't doing brain surgeon on people. What are you talking about? But if people don't, Just innately have that ability to bring people together. It's not something that they're going to do.

[00:10:40] Bethany: It's like, that is very putting it all on one person, as you said, which I didn't realize was happening until people try to try to hit me with an attitude because I left. And I was like, homie, That's suicidal ideation. There was going to be no party. There was going to be a funeral. Like that's what I was going to have.

[00:10:55] Bethany: But I hope you all know what to bring

[00:10:57] Jessica: because because

[00:10:59] Bethany: I'm not going to plan my bereavement party and tell everybody what to bring. Like what are you talking about?

[00:11:09] Jessica: I left notes in my upper drawer. I

[00:11:11] Bethany: probably wouldn't. He's gonna bring chips and dip. Yes. Yes. And then please don't let dot dot dot cook.

[00:11:18] Bethany: Have them bring in plates and utensils because they're a hot mess.

[00:11:24] Bethany: Will Gold. New things in your will. Bring in napkins. Bring in napkins. Because you Are a tragedy and they have a lot of cats and there's a lot of cat hair in their food. So, yeah, you got to be careful of those

[00:11:38] Jessica: potlucks. You got to be careful. You got to be careful. Oh, yes. One hundred percent. And then though, I love though that you left.

[00:11:46] Jessica: Can I just say that? Like this, I can't do that. And then you took care of yourself and you left. Because you knew that there was more out there or at least you couldn't stay there. I think that's how a lot of us find our purpose and meaning and fulfillment is that we can't stay where we are. We, we don't know where we're going, but it can't stay here.

[00:12:06] Jessica: And so we leave that agitation.

[00:12:09] Bethany: Here's how I knew that I made the right choice. I'm a super cry baby. My kids make fun of me all the time because I cry through Disney movies. I. Cry if I'm so happy for people I cry if I'm sad, I'm just a super crier. I should have a Kate that says SC But when I left that my last day I had my plant.

[00:12:33] Bethany: I had my little box. I left early I was walking down the hall. I was like bye bitches. I was taking selfies with people. I was like Miss America waving And I had been there for years. I was moonwalking down the hallway out of there. There was not one tear shed. My whole essence was like, Oh, thank you. for listening.

[00:13:03] Bethany: Yes. It only took all this time, almost 20 years, but I'm so glad that you finally listened. And that's another thing. Like it's never too late to find your purpose. I was 40 when I left, almost 20 years worth of criminal justice corporate. 40! Was it 41? I don't know. I was in my 40s. But it's a whole different world.

[00:13:28] Bethany: Yes. I had been in the 4 dot dot. It felt like 400, but I was in the forties. And I said to my husband, you know, Hey, here's what I'm going to do. I want to open my own business. I want to do podcasting. And he was like, I don't know what any of that means, but you need to have clients and we need, cause we need to pay a mortgage, we're a two income family.

[00:13:45] Bethany: And I was like, okay, bet we got this. And not one tear shed when I left that place. And I think I only visited there like twice. I still talk to a few people that I worked with cause I just enjoy them as people. But yeah, I think I only visited twice. And like the. Last time that I went to visit, I was like, this doesn't even feel right to visit here.

[00:14:01] Bethany: Like, this is not my place.

[00:14:05] Jessica: Yeah, that you'd gone out and realized, ooh, more than. It just has to be more than. Doesn't mean that isn't someone else's place. It's just not yours. Correct. Correct. Yeah. And the interesting thing too is you left and then you started this amazing business Where you got to help other people tap into their meaning and their fulfillment, their purpose.

[00:14:27] Jessica: It's like freaking magic when you know who you are and you figure out what matters. It like ripples out in a good way.

[00:14:34] Bethany: Yes, yes, it does. When you take that leap, things fall into place as they should. How I got my first client was I was immersing myself in groups where there were people that I wanted to work with.

[00:14:50] Bethany: There were women of color who had podcasts. That I wanted to work with, and this woman posted her most recent podcast episode. I listened to it. I loved it. And I was like, Oh, you don't have any show notes. Can I write your show notes for you? I'll do it for free. I'm trying to get into the industry. And she was like, I worked in radio, so I can help you with audio.

[00:15:11] Bethany: Bada bing, bada boom. This is fantastic. Thank you. Quid pro quo. And then I got another client and another client and it just snowballed. And then COVID happened and everything shut down and everybody wanted to create podcasts. And I was like, Oh my God.

[00:15:28] Bethany: Yeah. I just started getting like word of mouth and reputation. And then, you know, I got clients like you who are like true allies of women of color who just speak in such a way that is understandable and, um, You're able to apply those methods and I love what I do because I learn so much from each and every episode that I work on the show notes that I take aren't for y'all they're beneficial they're good for search engine optimization they are absolutely keynote worthy.

[00:15:59] Bethany: But they're from me. I'm like, so when I have to go back and reference this episode, I know exactly where it is and what it's talking about. Everything that I do is self serving. Purpose driven is selfish life

[00:16:10] Jessica: and that's okay. I love it. It's like when we have guests, I'm like, oh my gosh, no, I'm, I'm actually, I can't just listen.

[00:16:17] Jessica: I was like, come on and talk so I get to hear your genius. I want to spend time with you. Yes. Yes. Like, how did you get the clarity? You know, a lot of people are like, well, I, I don't, I don't know what my purpose is. And I don't. For me, I don't know that I could like specifically tell you, I could tell you kind of around it, I can tell you, but there isn't like one word or one sentence for me.

[00:16:38] Jessica: How did you know, like coming out of that job and moving into this one would light you up? Like, what were the factors that you considered?

[00:16:46] Bethany: So I was introduced into podcasting and I was like, Oh my God, that's what I want to do. I want to help. Women be heard and their stories get heard so that they can help other women who are sitting in their cubicle like me feel less alone and know that these experiences that they're having are not just Specific to them, they're specific to so many and here's how they went about either changing what was happening to them or leaving so that they're no longer in that environment.

[00:17:18] Bethany: And I look back and it brings me like all of the goosebumps because when I was younger, I didn't talk until I was 4. And I was born in the seventies, so there wasn't a large discussion regarding autism and ADHD and the terms that we are, that are very well known today. And when I was four, my pediatrician at the time, he was very progressive, and he told my mother, I think she may potentially have Autism.

[00:17:47] Bethany: We're not quite sure. I don't want to put her on medication just yet. Let her just come into her own because they were very concerned that I hadn't talked. And it wasn't that I was on the spectrum. I was just very much an observer. I was very much a listener. I liked listening to stories. I liked Listening to what people were saying and just ingesting, and I also liked to play by myself.

[00:18:14] Jessica: Yes.

[00:18:15] Bethany: And a lot of those qualities I had when I was younger, just listening and being able to regurgitate to people what I heard them say without them really saying that those particular words is what I do today. It's literally what pays the mortgage. Yeah. So if you are inquiring, I don't know what my purpose is.

[00:18:43] Bethany: I don't know what I am meant to do on this third rock from the sun. I really challenge you to investigate why you were doing when you were younger, when you were like a wee little lad or lass, and also reach out to the people that know you the best and say, what are my goals? Qualities that differ from everybody else.

[00:19:09] Bethany: What do you see in me? Yes. That makes you gravitate

[00:19:14] Jessica: towards me. I like that because sometimes we can't see it in ourselves. We have to have someone say, you're so good at this. Did you know that this is like one of your zones of genius? You're amazing. We were having this conversation, I don't know, a few weeks back when one of our lives was all up in the air.

[00:19:33] Jessica: Pick one of us. Right. Always an adventure. That purpose driven life doesn't mean perfect life. So just because you're living a purpose driven life, it doesn't mean that things are always going to work out like seamlessly. Correct. But you've got a way to navigate it when it doesn't work out. I think that's when like purpose really comes into play.

[00:19:57] Jessica: It's in the messy part of things.

[00:19:59] Bethany: And I think when you're living an Your purpose driven life and or your purpose driven business, it allows you the stamina to handle what life is lifing because I know if what is happening in my home life right now, if I was still at the district attorney's office, I would not be able to manage.

[00:20:25] Bethany: That district attorney's office, my duties there, because even though I was salary, I was working constantly 60, 70 hour weeks. Oh, my gosh. And all of the requirements that are being asked of me in my personal life. And just so you know, listener. In regards to when I say my personal life, I'm not like getting a divorce or anything

[00:20:50] Jessica: like, I

[00:20:51] Bethany: don't want people to be like, Oh my God, what is happening in there now?

[00:20:56] Bethany: So I will share my mother has dementia. And if anybody knows when you're living in the sandwich years of raising a child, having a family. And having to take care of your parents, it is so much. And there just feels like sometimes there's no reprieve for anything. But when I look back at how fortunate I am to have the company that I have and to have the clients that I have.

[00:21:24] Bethany: And for me to be able to say, Jessica, I have tried so hard. I cannot finish editing this episode. And if I did finalize it, it wouldn't be the quality. That I would feel comfortable giving to you and you saying, Bethany, I trust you that. Is what living in your purpose does for you. It brings people into your life.

[00:21:48] Bethany: That's going to make space for you. When you need space, when you say to me, Bethany, I am sick. I can't get that to you, ma'am, please. Are you even sending me this message right now? You already know what it is. Okay. Like what? Okay. Just let me know. Can't do it. We're keep a truck in

[00:22:10] Jessica: many ways to go many paths.

[00:22:13] Jessica: And

[00:22:14] Bethany: I also find that when I am able to share that honesty and freedom, when I am able to get it done, not only is it so much better, but there is a message for me that I wouldn't have been able to hear if I had done it when I was stressed and overwhelmed.

[00:22:37] Jessica: Yeah, I agree. It's almost like tapping into your purpose reminds us that we can give ourselves the permission for space and to do things in a different way.

[00:22:50] Jessica: Because we've got this amazing center, whatever it is, this light, this thing that pulls us out and allows us to see the bigger viewpoint, to see the bigger perspective. And I think it also helps us when we're tapped into our purpose to step out of those cultural and societal expectations that we don't realize that we're falling into, that don't have to be there, that serve no one.

[00:23:15] Jessica: And we can like break the cycle of that and show other people, Hey, you can have a business. You can be this amazing person and you can do this. Did you know that you can do this? Let me show you, let me show you how you move through difficult times.

[00:23:31] Bethany: Yes. And those are generational curses that are telling you that you're expected to do X, Y, and Z.

[00:23:37] Bethany: And you have to do X, Y, and Z because you are either the oldest child or the only child or the youngest child or because you are a female identifying or because you have a child or because you have no children. So much. Expectations are put on you, no matter what your race, creed, religion, just because you're breathing, you are mandated by this script of what you should be doing in your life.

[00:24:05] Bethany: And I feel like when you are in your purpose, there is still that chatter. There's still that noise, but you're more apt to say, this doesn't belong to me. This is your idea of who I should be. And I can say this as a black woman who doesn't immediately appear as a full black woman. I can't be white passing, but people don't know what I am.

[00:24:41] Bethany: They know I'm white, but they're like, but is she, and I am a hundred percent Negro, like my mama black, my father black, but. As somebody who speaks the way that I do and looks the way that I do and people have this perception of how I should speak and how I should engage and what I should like and what I shouldn't like being a black woman is a significant part of who I am.

[00:25:11] Bethany: And also, I'm a soul in a black woman body. Correct. So miss me with all that. You should be doing X, Y, and Z bullshit, unless you're paying my bills. And even if you are paying my bills, like, you're not still not going to tell me what to do. I just cannot. Not happening. Not happening. You're more aware of the bullshit that you can withstand.

[00:25:37] Bethany: Versus what you can't. Yes! And you're more apt to

[00:25:42] Jessica: honor your boundaries. It's like the storm is around you, but you're in the eye of it. You can see all of it happening, but you're aware of where you end and all of that begins. And that happens through, we were just talking about this on episode on intuition.

[00:26:01] Jessica: You got to know yourself. I think that people wouldn't put those expectations on people or say you should like this, or you should do that if they actually knew themselves, that wouldn't be happening. And part of the awesomeness of knowing yourself is that you also can tap into your purpose. I know that it's a lot of work to get to know yourself.

[00:26:19] Jessica: I know that you have to stop and you have to think about it and you have to reflect on things and you have to look at things that might be uncomfortable, but to all, it's so worth it. It's so worth it because then you move through the world in a different way and you're just less likely to cause harm and wounds to others.

[00:26:35] Jessica: You're more open. You're more expansive. You're living in a conscious intentional way that allows not only for yourself to be free, but others around you. I think it's a game changer. We can talk about purpose all day long, but at the end of the day, it has to be something more than just ourselves. It's

[00:26:57] Bethany: In the Lord's 2024, in February, Black History Month, right now, there is a TikTok sensation going on regarding this woman doing and explaining in 50 different TikTok videos who the bleep did I marry.

[00:27:18] Bethany: Oh, my gosh. I would. Yes. Yes, ma'am. 50 videos. They're like 10 minute intervals to video number trace 123. I could only get through three. And here's why. Of course, self reflection is a big thing. But also, I don't know this woman from a hole in the wall, but the things that she said. And those first three videos, such as I didn't want to quarantine by myself.

[00:27:49] Bethany: We had only known each other for a couple of weeks, and we were ready to buy a 750, 000 home. And he lived in a studio, and I lived in a three bedroom, two bath, and My space is bigger. So I was like, why don't you just come live with all of these things that she said in the first three videos, I was like, she does not love honor and trust herself.

[00:28:12] Bethany: And I cannot listen to another 47 episodes of her talking about how she does it. Or at least at this time, she didn't. Yeah, it's probably changed because she broke free. Yes. So there, so there had to have been some sort of arc that brought her to where she is now, because, you know, now they're divorced and she's living her best life, especially with these TikToks.

[00:28:34] Bethany: She's getting revenue streaming coming in. So there had to have been something that happened to transition her to really see. The first 10 minutes, she talks about Spirit was sending her the biggest message and she just chose to put her blinders on. She plucked her eyes out like in Bird Box to ignore this message.

[00:28:57] Bethany: She plucked her eyes out spiritually. Because on her way to the first date, she blew out a tire. Spirit flattened her tire. And she was like, it had never happened to me before. I pulled into the gas station and she called him and she was like, Oh my God, my tire just blew out on the highway. And he was like, Oh, I'll come and fix your tire.

[00:29:17] Bethany: No, homie. This was a message from your guides. Abort this mission. Do not meet this fool. He is going to ruin your life. And she was like, That wasn't a sign. It's Gucci. Everything's gonna be a okay. And it wasn't. So if she had just listened to her spirit guide at that point, if she had just listened to like her purpose and what she wanted, but it sounds like that at the point she, she was at a certain age.

[00:29:49] Bethany: It sounded like she thought she should have been married. She thought she should have kids. She thought she should have a partner. She, she didn't want to quarantine by herself because of all of these expectations that she had put on herself, instead of just letting things happen and flow naturally, because she believed in her, herself and her spirit and her higher self and her spirit guides.

[00:30:12] Bethany: Forced, forced, forced, forced, forced. And it was a nightmare. It was a 50, 10 minute TikTok series nightmare!

[00:30:22] Jessica: She

[00:30:22] Bethany: was shitting

[00:30:23] Jessica: all over herself. She

[00:30:24] Bethany: was

[00:30:24] Jessica: shitter,

[00:30:24] Bethany: shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter,

[00:30:26] Jessica: shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter, shitter. But that's the thing, we were talking about this in Spiritual Compass.

[00:30:32] Jessica: And I was like, Hey y'all, let's talk about values. And everyone was like, and I'm like, no, for real. So let's talk about values because, because when you're using values as a guidance system, it's amazing the things that you will avoid. I had everyone pick three to five and I said, whatever three to five you pick.

[00:30:51] Jessica: They're absolutely yours. Don't pick what your family values were. Don't pick what you think you should be. Pick what actually matters to you. And then know that every time you make a decision, a choice, whatever, all of those have to be present. And they were like, all of them? I'm like, all of them have to be present.

[00:31:07] Jessica: And if they're not present, then something either needs to be realigned or you shouldn't be doing it. If you can't realign it. And I said, think back to that last decision that you made, were your values present? And people were like, well, see why that one didn't work. It was like instant. See why that one didn't work out.

[00:31:30] Jessica: Instant perspective.

[00:31:32] Bethany: I love that. And that's how you fall in alignment. And that's also how you get heavy on the okay. So I am heavy on my okay era. So if somebody wants to. Get upset with me or try to argue with me. And if it's something that did unintentionally, I am very quick to apologize. I have no qualms about saying, Oh my gosh, that wasn't my intention.

[00:31:58] Bethany: This is where I was coming from. I'm sorry that it was interpreted like that. I have no problem saying that, but having said that, and also if your whole goal with me is to argue with me. Because you want to be right in every situation and scenario, and My perspective has no meaning to you or me sharing with you how the way that you spoke to me impacted me.

[00:32:36] Bethany: I am heavy on the okay after that. So if you want to be upset with me for something, okay. If you think that that's what I was doing when you know full well that that wasn't what I was doing, okay. I can't be bothered to try to explain myself to people who don't want to hear me. And I think when you start following your values and start being in alignment with who you are, people popping off don't bother you anymore.

[00:33:05] Bethany: It's just, okay, have your moment. Because I know that your ass is going to be chapped a whole lot longer than me trying to explain myself to you. So you're creating your own chaos at that point. Enjoy your chaos. Because I'm going home to like, make some French vanilla coffee. Like, I, like, I can't. I can't.

[00:33:25] Bethany: I'm going home to take a nap and dream about Robert Downey Jr. asking me for like a meatloaf sandwich. Like, I, like, I can't beef with you over stuff if you don't even want to hear the other perspective. Heavy on the okay. I'm in my okay era. Okay. Okay. I love

[00:33:38] Jessica: it. I love it. My okay era. I, oh, God, I love that so much.

[00:33:42] Jessica: And you know what really matters? So you can say okay. You're like, whoa, this is so wildly out of alignment. Okay, whatever. You have fun with that. I'm going to be over here.

[00:33:52] Bethany: People are so insecure and sad within themselves. They want to vomit that all over you so that you feel just as low as they do. And I will not allow you to take my energy.

[00:34:06] Bethany: Oh no. You can just keep going on and on and on. I'm like, okay. On, uh, social media this week, I don't know what was going on, but there was like social media beefing from everybody. There was just drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama. People were accusing other people of stealing content and other people.

[00:34:25] Bethany: It was,

[00:34:25] Jessica: wasn't there. It was all over. It's a full moon this weekend. I, that's what I think is part of it. I was going to ask you where, where are the planets? Like what is happening? They're all doing all the things and there's a full moon.

[00:34:38] Bethany: Because it was more extra than I noticed. Yeah. This week was just heavy on miscommunication issues.

[00:34:47] Bethany: And people going back and forth and then saying, you know, well, clearly they were bothered because they wrote this whole thing. And I'm like, but you wrote this whole thing. How could you not expect the other person to respond? I'm like, nobody was heavy on the okay. Nobody was like, this is this person's perspective.

[00:35:03] Bethany: I didn't do that. It wasn't my intention. But if that's how they misconstrued it. Okay. And if they had reached out to me, I would have said, you know, this wasn't it. Okay. Nobody, everybody kept doubling down on this argument where they have never met these people. You don't know this person, boo. They can't come to your house if they wanted to because they don't know where you live.

[00:35:29] Bethany: These are internet strangers, internet strangers that you're literally giving all of your energy to one person had to like cancel all of her meetings for the rest of the week because she was so upset. Those are foldable dollar bills that you are leaving on the table this week, potential new clients, because this person got into your energy.

[00:35:53] Bethany: Why are you giving them that power? You're out of alignment.

[00:35:58] Jessica: Don't

[00:35:58] Bethany: know who you

[00:35:58] Jessica: are. There's no anchor. So any little thing just blows you one way or the other because you can't tell where they end and you begin. Yes. And so you sit there questioning yourself and running it over and over in your head trying to get clarity.

[00:36:13] Jessica: You're never gonna get clarity. You have to know who you are. I cannot say that enough.

[00:36:19] Bethany: And I could see it, Jessica. I could see exactly what you were saying. I could see her running it over, like, just from what she was posting and what she was saying. I could see her running it over and over in her head.

[00:36:30] Bethany: What did I do? What did I say? How did I approach it? I could see it! You're exactly right. And I'm like, why are you letting this person do this to you? It's

[00:36:40] Jessica: an internet stranger. Yeah. It's not like you're a person. It's someone who will probably continue on with their day. Never think twice. Yes. And they don't really care.

[00:36:50] Jessica: Yes.

[00:36:53] Bethany: Unless for, you know, poops and ha has say that it's somebody who is a family member and who is close to you, you have to determine, is this person going to hear me out? Or does this person just want to argue with me? Because sometimes you have to let family members go. Sometimes you have to let friends go, especially if you're finding your purpose, you will notice people revealing themselves all around you who don't know who they are.

[00:37:22] Jessica: Yep. And they probably have been doing it this whole time. You just didn't have the perspective you needed to see it.

[00:37:30] Bethany: Yes. Yes. They're so used to treating you in a certain way that once you say you're no longer going to be able to treat me like that, you are now the villain in their story and you have to be okay with being the villain in their story.

[00:37:45] Jessica: Yeah, because they didn't change. You did. Yes. Yes. For the better. You're shining more and they hate that. Because then they realize that there is a different way that they could moving through life and that makes them uncomfortable. And so they get angry. It's not even at you per se, even though you get the brunt of it.

[00:38:06] Bethany: Yes. I feel when you move into a transition into your purpose and what you're here to be, there is still whatever trauma you endured. It's still there, but it doesn't have a chokehold on you. And some people need that trauma to know who they are. They don't know who they are without that trauma. So they'll try to keep sucking you back in that traumatic environment over and over and over again.

[00:38:41] Bethany: Because that's how they know who you are. And in turn, that's how they know who they are.

[00:38:48] Jessica: Because that trauma was so big that they don't remember what was outside of it or then before it. That's why I tell people, if you have a wound that needs healing or you have trauma or whatever, and you're going to start a business, you'll never get anywhere with the business.

[00:39:04] Jessica: The business will never be stable or stabilized because if you haven't done the healing. You, you can't, I don't care what business you're in. It doesn't have to be a spiritual niche. That's that's any across the board. Cause you're always going to respond from that place of whatever is not healed.

[00:39:22] Bethany: Ooh, that's a whole word.

[00:39:25] Bethany: It really is. It's so true. And if you want to create a business, I say, go for it. And also be very aware, whatever your insecurities are, are going to come up and make it stink like a fart in a car. Yes. You will find out about yourself in your business. You will find out if you are too sensitive to people's perspectives.

[00:39:53] Bethany: You will find out if you're good at managing money, you will find out if you're a great communicator, you will find out if you are a leader. There are so many things that you will find out about yourself, you will be like, damn. I didn't even want to know. I didn't even want to know this crap about me. But alas, here we are.

[00:40:14] Bethany: Here we freaking are. How did

[00:40:17] Jessica: we get here? I don't think that triggered you that you're like, I didn't even know I had

[00:40:20] Bethany: this button on my keyboard. There are times when I'm like, I forget this. I'm just applying to Walmart. Like I'm just, I don't want to know any more about myself. I'm good.

[00:40:32] Jessica: I'm

[00:40:33] Bethany: good.

[00:40:34] Jessica: My God.

[00:40:35] Jessica: That's so true. I mean, and I think it's healthy. If you put your head on your desk and be like, I'm quitting today. Today I quit tomorrow. I'll show up today. I quit. I'll show up tomorrow.

[00:40:48] Bethany: Try again. But today. I'm pulling the plug on today, like I am going to try to, I'm holding the button down for a whole minute to try to reset because today was a whole mess.

[00:41:00] Bethany: Oh my gosh.

[00:41:01] Jessica: It's so true. And that's coming from two people who pay attention. I mean, like we're not perfect, but we're actively out there trying to figure out who we are and how we're moving through the world and, and working on that. And y'all. It's never ending. And I don't say that to be depressing, but this is not a destination.

[00:41:18] Jessica: You don't just work on yourself, find your purpose and you're good. This is always. So can you imagine going into a business, not having done any of that, and then having to deal with the stress of a business plus the stress of all of that? I don't know how people do it.

[00:41:30] Bethany: And I think that that's why statistically 80 percent of businesses fail within the first five years.

[00:41:36] Jessica: Fantastically.

[00:41:37] Bethany: And then after that, from five to 10, those remaining. 80 percent fail. There is no work life balance, and I hate when people use that. I have to have a perfect work life balance. No, because if I'm having a hard time dealing with my mom having dementia, that's coming into my business. If I'm having terrible menstrual cramps because I have endometriosis, Them cramps are coming into my business.

[00:42:05] Bethany: Come on, come on. Yeah, come on cramps, we coming. Come on heating pad, this is where you're going to spend the day, in the office. If I am hungry, I don't immediately feel full because I came into my office. Whoever you are and whatever you are experiencing, you're bringing that into your work. So if you don't know who you are and all of a sudden work becomes very overwhelming and you are not somebody who can handle overwhelming factors, you're like, forget this, I'm done.

[00:42:34] Bethany: And if that's what you want to do, if you own a small business and you're like, I can't do this anymore, that is okay. Maybe that business was not your purpose. Maybe that experience of you having that business was your purpose, and now you're going to take all of those transferable skills, and you're going to work for another company that is your purpose, and you're going to thrive.

[00:42:54] Bethany: Yep,

[00:42:54] Jessica: there

[00:42:54] Bethany: are

[00:42:55] Jessica: more ways to that, that place where you get to infuse that. Sometimes it's not meant to be successful. The

[00:43:03] Bethany: learning lessons were meant to

[00:43:04] Jessica: be. I don't know if we signed up for it. I don't know if it just happens, but whatever it is, it is what it is. That's my phrase this week. Somebody, one of the students in the collective, no Odyssey.

[00:43:16] Jessica: It was my small group mastermind Odyssey. I said, well, what was the message your guidance gave you? And she goes, It is what it is. And I was like, yeah, it is what it

[00:43:25] Bethany: is.

[00:43:26] Jessica: So how are you

[00:43:26] Bethany: going to respond? I said to my husband, I have so many questions for God. And thank God I have potentially an eternity to ask because he's going to be sick of my ass.

[00:43:35] Bethany: He's going to be like, don't you have some place to be other than harassing me? I take copious notes. All of this nonsense that happens during my human experience. What was this for? Please indulge me in answering what was the purpose behind this? I need to know. So yeah, some things you're maybe not meant to know.

[00:43:55] Bethany: You're just supposed to experience for whatever that your soul is like, Hey, we need to experience this. I don't know for enlightenment or some crazy thing.

[00:44:04] Jessica: Maybe. I mean, who knows? No one's going to know till we cross. But I do know just looking at my husband's journey with brain cancer, I don't. Know that there was a purpose behind it.

[00:44:16] Jessica: I don't know that it happened for a reason, but he's found meaning. We've both found meaning and we both have given it a purpose. And I think when, when you can do that, it's more

[00:44:28] Bethany: empowering. I love that. Well, I will ask either God, Buddha, Jesus, Shinto, Tom Cruise, whoever's up there when I die, if I go before you, I will write the answers on your mirror.

[00:44:41] Jessica: Please. Can you please? I

[00:44:43] Bethany: will.

[00:44:43] Jessica: Cause I have questions.

[00:44:45] Bethany: Yes, Jessica, this is Bethany. Remember when I said I was going to do this? I'm doing it now. I know that you're in the shower and you're going to be very creeped out when you get out and you see this message on your mirror. You have to have a huge mirror because I'm very wordy.

[00:44:59] Bethany: So you have to look back. If I die, you have to find the biggest mirror that you possibly can and put it in the mouth and be like, I'm here for you. Okay. Tell me your questions. You can also come

[00:45:08] Jessica: through like my sound machine and the white noise because the white noise always makes me supposed to relax me and I don't, I just end up hearing.

[00:45:17] Jessica: So come through the sound machine. So, and then you can speak all you want.

[00:45:21] Bethany: I'll be like, Jessica, this is your black noise, Bethany.

[00:45:31] Bethany: What did you want to know all of it? I got you, girl. I got you.

[00:45:43] Jessica: I can see it now. I'd

[00:45:47] Bethany: be like, please put. A really curly haired wig on your sound machine so that it represents me with glasses. So that it represents me,

[00:45:55] Jessica: I'll set it right next to me. I'll turn it on and I'll be like, okay, here we go.

[00:46:00] Bethany: I'd be like, this person is perfect for your group. You should reach out to them, get them in the spiritual collective.

[00:46:12] Bethany: Let's talk about spiritual

[00:46:13] Jessica: collective. Yes. Oh, I love my collective group. They're amazing. So the spiritual evolution collective is a place that actually was It is part of like my purpose or I've, I've incorporated into it. I've always, when I was doing classes and kind of first starting out, we were living in a place where there was like a limited access.

[00:46:31] Jessica: And I thought, why, why should where we live limit our ability to connect with people who get us, who see us, who, where we, we just fit. And that was eons ago, like 10 years ago, 12 years ago, way back when child was a babe and I was just starting out. And I had to wait to make it come alive because the tech wasn't there that I, but I knew, I knew this was going to be one day.

[00:46:58] Jessica: And sure enough, it was. It finally came to fruition. And it's this amazing place where spiritually curious people gather, people who want to know who they are, people who want to live purpose driven lives, who want to have purpose driven businesses, they come in and every single month we get to connect and we get to chat and we get to have conversations.

[00:47:18] Jessica: And that's the really cool thing about this space is it is a collective. It's not just called it, it is. And so I am not sitting up here and they're all listening to me. We are having conversations and they are picking out what they want to talk about and what they want to explore. They're probably sick of my polls and my surveys.

[00:47:36] Jessica: They're like, Lady, just pick something. We'll do it. But they're from all over. All over the world. And we gather and we just share how we're moving through the space. And we've got soul coaching so we can really dive into that sticky stuff we were talking about. About getting to know yourself. We just talked about, um, our soul's blueprint.

[00:47:56] Jessica: We were asking the big questions. Is this Faded? Did we pick this? Like, we were asking those questions in the group and getting thoughts and ideas. We've got an intuitive development circle that we do. We just had a guest expert come on to talk about releasing trauma and PTSD from the body. Um, she was amazing.

[00:48:12] Jessica: Sharon Marie, she's going to be on the podcast. Can't wait to share with you all. She's doing fabulous work. And, and we're just diving in and looking at and connecting in ways that are different authentically. Because I think sometimes we get into these groups, we get into, Social media. And we lose that authenticity.

[00:48:28] Jessica: We lose that connection. And those are two of my values, joy, grace, authenticity, connection, curiosity, and all of those things are present in. The collective and it shows it is a place like no other. My members say this all the time. You are creating a space that isn't like the other spaces. And like you said, Bethany, then you attract people that aren't like the other people who you just suddenly wake up one morning and you're like, wow, I'm surrounded by these really amazing human beings.

[00:48:56] Jessica: How lucky am I? The doors are open. And if you're liking the conversations you hear on the podcast and you're liking the laughter and the joy that you experience on the podcast, That's not just for here. That's everywhere. We would love to have you join the collective, join the conversation, join the discussion because it really is amazing place.

[00:49:14] Jessica: Share your wisdom.

[00:49:15] Bethany: And it is truly in just a beautiful reflection of who you are and what you curate because you share your wisdom. But as you said, you also allow others. So others are allowed to learn from each other. You learn from others. And it's just a. Constant collaboration of ideas and enlightenment and you do that in every.

[00:49:40] Bethany: And I'm so excited that you created this collective. I think it is going to be something that not only is different than a lot of other spiritual groups, but it's also going to help so many. And that's just what you do naturally is you help so many and give people permission to experience spirituality that feels right to them.

[00:50:04] Bethany: And it's just always an honor to be in your presence and in your genius. So

[00:50:11] Jessica: I adore you. I adore you. Thanks so much for coming on and spending time with us today.

[00:50:16] Bethany: Thank you for inviting me on. I hope this was valuable to your people.

[00:50:21] Jessica: Truth bombs left and right. Plus we got to laugh.

[00:50:25] Bethany: We always be laughing.

[00:50:26] Bethany: We be laughing through the tears sometimes. Shoot. Don't play with us. We are on good time. We are.

[00:50:33] Jessica: Just wait till we're in the same state. We're gonna blow New England up. The Commonwealth ain't ready. Oh, thank you all for tuning in today. Bethany. You get to drop the question. What question should we do? We have a question every single episode.

[00:50:50] Jessica: What is our question for today?

[00:50:52] Bethany: What are your three core values? Mmm. I love it. I stole that question from you. I cheated. And also the fact that I cheated cause I was just put on the spot. I love it though. This one drops in. So not only like, what are your three core values, but send an email to Jessica, letting her know how you implement your three core values and decision making.

[00:51:20] Bethany: I am truly going to do that. I am going to sit when I have time, establish my three core values. And from now on, run it through those three checklists to determine whether or not that's something that I want to do.

[00:51:30] Jessica: It really cuts through the crap. Let me tell you what really a fast way to get clear. All right, y'all.

[00:51:37] Jessica: Thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you soon. for listening to reclaiming our spirit. To find out how I can help you reclaim your spirit. Reach out to me at www. jessicapaschke. com. Leave me a message and I just may share how you reclaimed your spirit in the next episode. Peace.